by Katie Carr, LMSW
Titillating Topics & Solutions for Lovemaking
Still struggling with sexuality after mastectomy? Struggling with the idea of romancing your partner?
Valentine’s Day brings pressure to post-mastectomy women who are trying to reconnect with their bodies and their sexuality. Whether you have had reconstruction or are living the flat life, we at Breast Healing are not afraid to talk the talk.
Let’s talk solutions for lovemaking…
Body Image Issues
Body image is essential for sexuality, so when foreplay comes into play confidence can be difficult after mastectomy. Women have described to me the tension and negative self-esteem that can place a damper on sexual activities. No matter where you are in your journey it’s normal to struggle with sexuality after mastectomy.
For those ready to begin this path towards sexual healing, remember to take small steps at a time as you get to know your new body and its limitations. Know that it takes many months post-op to be ready and make certain that you follow your surgeon’s timing advice on return to sexual activity.
Prioritize focusing on positive self-talk and self-care. Try to re-program the switch in your brain that can turn negative messaging into positive affirmations. This may seem challenging at first, but practice identifying negative thoughts and reframing them.
You have been through a long journey, and it is time to think of yourself as a complete woman once again, one who wants to enjoy the positive, documented benefits of sexual intimacy.
The Allure of Lace
For those with bare mounds after reconstruction … the visual tease of our product Rub-On Nipples® can boost your sensual self-esteem tremendously. Having the view of nipples gives a sense of feeling complete again, like Mrs. Humpy-Dumpty is put back together. (Just read our User Feedback and Reviews for firsthand jubilation.)
Some women, however, are still bothered by their scars. Here is a solution that will surely help. Let the nipples show through a revealing lace bra or camisole (like the Hanky Panky® brand). This peek-a-boo provides the visual allure of the temporary areola tattoos with the benefit of scar camouflage. If you are looking for an alluring look, you will not be disappointed, and neither will your partner.
It is common knowledge that we are visual beings when it comes to sex appeal. Who would have thought “revealing” would be in your vocabulary or wardrobe again? But, pairing these pieces with your Rub-On Nipples® will bring renewed confidence to your appeal.
Positions for Lovemaking after Mastectomy
Founder Elizabeth Vivenzio has written about keeping the passion alive after mastectomy. She has been working in this field of mastectomy empowerment for a dozen years. Her advice is to approach sexuality slowly, knowing it will take time … and practice… to regain your optimal sexuality.
“I have found that the workshops that are given about sex and intimacy after mastectomy are too limiting and missing the most vital type of helpful information: positioning,” said Elizabeth. “Without breaking out the Kama Sutra, let’s begin a dialogue about overcoming the vacancy we feel trying to replicate positions we used to enjoy … the ones where breasts were a main “in your face” component.”
“My dear husband and I have tried to incorporate fake boobs into our lovemaking, but it did not work for us. It had the opposite effect … eliciting a sense of loss and vacancy that puts a real damper on the session.” Elizabeth added, “The key solution has been learning positions that take the focus away from our flat chest or reconstructed boobs.”
So, since we “talk the talk,” I just had to ask … what positions?
“We found our solution is alternative positions following our front-to-front kissing, and spooning is just one of these positions that work best for us. The simple reason is that your partner could then be holding your reconstructed mound or foam mound in his hand as the lovemaking ensues. Spooning feels like nothing has changed. Scars and non-functioning breasts do not come into play. Holding the mound from behind feels like old times to our partner.”
Elizabeth added what she feels is the most important aspect to overcoming low self-esteem during lovemaking … remembering that sexual release becomes a visceral response towards climax. “My husband can fantasize all he wishes about my original breasts (or ones he saw on TV that day or any others on his mind for those few minutes) until we finish taking care of business. All that matters to me at that point is when we are finished, he calls me his “sexy girl.” TMI, I know, but shared to make the point.”
Elizabeth has shared only because it is time to talk about it … let’s get REAL in our conversations. This is vital information that feels awkward but needs to be added to the discussion. “I feel like I am baring my soul and going out on a limb, but I really want to help others with my firsthand experience,” said our Founder.
©Breast Healing 2023